Ron's Little Problem
by METMA Mandy
Summary: LOL! Ron has a series of hilarious convos with Hermione. I don't want to say too much, except that this is one of those fics where you NEVER see it coming, then you laugh hysterically. So read it! (Each part can stand alone.)
1. Ron's Little Problem

A/N: HEHE! I am not going to tell you anything about this fic, except that you should read it. The idea came to me in gym (GYM, of all places!) and I couldn't help but write it. *giggles* Oh, and there is a tiny bit of R/Hr. But it the humor is the same if you just pretend its Harry and not Ron. Don't worry, this is categorized as humor and not romance for a reason....  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own HP.  
*****  
  
Hermione set down her bag and propped up a book on her desk. It was History of Magic class; the most boring, pointless class on the scheduele. Even she admitted that it was time better spent doing other things.   
  
"_What _other things?" Harry asked. But Hermione would not say.  
  
She held the book so that only the tip of her nose and her cloves-colored eyes looked out. Then she directed her gaze to the love of her life, the fizz in her champagne, the S.P. (and not the EW) in her S.P.E.W., and the ink on her quill. She stared at him in a mixture of love and adoration. Suddenly, without warning, Ron turned her way.  
  
"Hey, Hermione, are you okay?" he asked, concerned.  
  
Hermione looked down, embaressed, and quickly muttered, "Oh, yeah, I'm fine."  
  
"Hermione, come on, I know the truth."  
  
"You...you do?" she fairly squeaked.  
  
"Yeah. But don't worry," he said, and then bent down and whispered in her ear. "Constipation is a common problem!"  
  
"WHAT! I don't hav-"  
  
"Don't be embarassed, its perfectly normal," he said, not really listening to her.  
  
"RON! I SWEA-"  
  
"Listen, I can show you this recipe for a potion that makes it better. My mom gave it to me a couple years ago, and it works pretty well!!"  
  
Hermione was torn between disappointment, disgust, and the niggling suspicion that she was going to burst out laughing. She just barely contained herself and buried her head inside the book until the end of class.  
  
"Ugh, that was so boring, I mean Professor Binns kept going on and on!" said Harry, walking to the door.  
  
"I know! What did you think of it, Ron?" Hermione asked.  
  
But Ron had already departed to the bathroom.  
****  
  
A/N1: Hehe...I know, its kind of a change, what with the romance in it, and not about objects, but still funny, I think. If you like it, I have ideas for sort of a series of mis-interpretted *ahem* moments. Join METMA (Muggles for Equal Treatment of Magical Articles)!! E-mail me for more information.   
  
A/N2: Now you review. Pretty please? With a cherry on top? And lots of yummy whipped cream? *drools* Mmmm...whippped cream.... Oh, and I sure don't mind if you tell me it sucks. The only thing I mind is people who flame only because of the match in the story. My personal pairing would be r/hr, i have nothing but respect for people of other matches, and I hope that in your review you wouldn't say something like "THIS SUCKS! H/H forever!" And would instead say something like, "Well, i didn't like the pairing, and your grammer could use some work, but good job!" Ya know. Well, I'm rambling, aren't I? I'll let you go now. Ta ta!  



	2. Ron's Little Problem- AGAIN!

A/N: Well, you asked for it. :) Thanks for the awesome response to "Ron's Little Problem", guys! WOWIES! Lotza reviews! *quickly* not too many, of course! So here's another misinterpreted moment. Its one of those fics where you have to read the whole thing, but at the end, you laugh. It's R/Hr, but just imagine its H/H if you like that better, kay? Enjoy! ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: Do I really have to write this every time? Well, I don't own HP...much as I'd like to own Ron...*blushys*  
****  
  
The dinner menu that fateful day featured chicken, potatoes and broccoli. "MMM...broccoli, my favorite!" remarked Ron, hungrily.  
  
"Ron, you'd eat anything that sat still long enough!" said Harry, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Pish, posh! You say that like it's a bad thing."   
  
Hermione rolled her eyes as the boys got into a faux fighting match. Secretly, she put her money on Ron. The boy was a human garbage disposal.  
  
"NO, I'll eat YOU under the table!!"  
  
"Boys, boys...shutup." she said sweetly.  
  
And so they sat down. Ron had soon gulped down his chicken and was grabbing for more broccoli. He soon realized that the lovely Hermione, with her hair straight as a Quiddich broom and eyes large as Bludgers, was staring straight at him.   
  
"I love you too, Hermione!" he said, joking. "Why're you staring at me?"  
  
"OH!" said Hermione, "Welllll...Harry, will you go get me some more milk?" Ron's heart beat rapidly--she was going to tell him that she loved him! He just knew it!   
  
"Okay, you lazy bum." As Harry got up and moved away, Hermione scooted nearer to Ron, leaning over the table.  
  
"Well, I was a little afraid to tell you..." Ron could hardly believe his luck.   
  
"Ye-yes?" squeaked Ron.  
  
"But...I just couldn't sit here a moment longer without you knowing!"   
  
"We-well, okay, what is it?" said Ron, nearly falling off his chair in excitement.  
  
"It's just..." Hermione faltered, looking embarrassed. Then she looked up into Ron's face with determination. "...you've got broccoli stuck in your front teeth."  
  
"Bro-broccoli?" he stammered. And that was the last thing he said before he passed out.  
****  
  
A/N: *Grins* Well, that was a bit longer than the last one. I hope it was as funny! And e-mail me for info about joining METMA! Please review!! If you don't, I'll stick broccoli in your front teeth when you're talking to your crush! *grins mischievously* HEHHEHEH!! And if you flame, which you are free to do, please make it unique. I get bored with uniform flames, like "U suc." Please at least spell stuff right. *rolls eyes* Ta ta for now!  



	3. Ron's Little Problem- Yes, AGAIN!

A/N: I know, I haven't done any of these in ages, but....I just dreamed up an idea! *grins* This IS funny -- it's one of those fics where you don't see it coming and then PHWAP! So just hold on until the end! Oh, and it's R/Hr, so just imagine your favorite match in place of it.  
****  
  
"Ron?" Hermione looked up from her book suddenly, her face a picture of determination.  
  
"Er...what?" asked a slightly annoyed Ron. He'd been trying to finish a delightful (or so Harry said,) book about Quidditch.  
  
"It's only...could you come to the Astronomy Tower for a moment with me?" Ron wasn't sure, but it almost seemed as if Hermione couldn't quite meet his eyes.  
  
"Wellllll, I suppose," said Ron, pretending reluctance. In truth, his heart was beating wildly at the prospect of being alone with the lovely Hermione. He rose and walked out of the common room.   
  
"Soo... whatdidyouwanttotellme?" Ron squeaked.  
  
Hermione puzzled a moment, and then realized what he had said. "Just wait until we get to the Astronomy Tower. I don't want anyone to be able to hear us." At these words, Ron's heart began to beat so fast, he was afraid it would burst. The two rounded the last corner, and stood in the moonlight near the window in the Tower.  
  
"Ron...it isn't easy for me to say this," Hermione had to look of one who was about to spill her deepest, darkest secret. Of course, Ron was about to have an aneurism. "But I need to tell you."  
  
"Erm...go ahead!" he fairly squeaked.  
  
"I've wanted to tell you since the day we met." Ron could hardly help but notice the way the moonlight played on Hermione's face. "But I was afraid..."  
  
"Don't be..." said Ron, trying to be gentle and loving, but coming out higher than a mouse.  
  
"It's just that...that...I couldn't tell you...it was too embarassing! What if you hated me for telling you? What then?" Hermione paused. "But then...when we were close together...I just knew I couldn't wait a moment longer..."  
  
Ron smiled, content upon knowing that his heart's desire would soon be his.  
  
"Ron, what I mean to say is..." Ron held his breath.  
  
"...you're breath smells like cat food."  
  
And for the second time that day, Ronald Weasley fainted.  
*****  
  
A/N: Hehe....I liked that! *grins* Hope you did too! Anyway, if you give me some ideas, I'll do more of these "mis-interpretted moments" fics. Join METMA! (Sorry, coudn't help that little outburst...) Anyhoozles, PLEASE REVIEW! I need reviews! They are my life-force! And if you don't review, I'm going to have to do something I don't relish. (Okay, I do...) I'm going to make YOUR breath smell like cat food! *evil grin* and who knoooows what may happen?  
  
A/N2: I want more people to do my challenge. For the rules, e-mail me at Leven5@aol.com.  
  
A/N3: You wish you were as cool as Constipated Carol, the doll that comes with free prunes and laxatives!  
  
A/N4: So review already!! (Yay, I fixed the spelling on Quiddich!)  
  



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